Ah, yes. Today is one of those days that I feel like a complete and utter failure.
Since last year, I’ve been dropping sly and subtle hints about the oncoming onslaught of awesomeness that was to be “Project New B.” By making this declaration, I was going to put out a new lease on life and begin what was going to be the rest of my existence.
How’s that going, you ask?
It’s amazing how one can have a full-time, well-paying job, a physical discipline like taekwondo that puts her in the best shape of her life, more technology than she’d care to admit, and semi-functional family members…and still feel like something is severely wrong.
(And after reading what she just typed, she officially feels like a spoiled idiot. Bbllleeearrggghh!)
But you know, there are a lot of people who can sum up their lives on one page, and any reader would marvel at the content. And yet…so many of those people are wandering and wondering, “What am I missing?”
When you’ve spent your whole childhood and adolescence doubting yourself and being unsure of whether you have the something — anything — to make it in this world, it’s hard to change that mentality in a matter of months. But after years of lamentation, I realized that I don’t want to live the rest of my life in self pity. I have too many friends (fine; former friends) who have their “successful,” evolving lives, but then turn right around and say to me, “Is this it?”
And the problem is, I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately, too.
And that’s where Project New B comes in.
Project New B is, if you will, an early- to midlife bucket and “what if” list. It’s the list of things that I have always daydreamed about doing and, for one reason or another, never stepped out to do them. The list ranges, of course, and may not be super spectacular, but I’ve always been curious or hungry to get these things out of my system. Once I do, then I can go on to Stage Two of the project: that being, what from Stage One did I enjoy so much, I want to place it in a higher forefront of my daily existence?
(Ugh. Those project management courses from work really have ingrained themselves in me.)
First thing’s first — being consistent when writing this blog. My first aim was to write three times a week. That’s right: I’d become well-monitored and what was hot in the written word! The social media step of Project New B would be a quick and easy success!
Well, we’ve all seen how that little adventure has gone.
The good news is, I now have the sanctuary of my new house to establish Project New B in peace and quiet. In fact, this was the mandatory prerequisite to Project New B. The apartment I previously lived in for three years was tiny, cramped, and situated under a family of five with a rambunctious little dog. Add that they had a tendency to dump buckets of water on me via the porch (even after I asked them to stop), and you had a not-so-consistent writing environment.
The other steps of Project New B work both internally and externally; as time passes, I will reveal more of the upcoming stages. From decorating my new house to taking road trips to reconciling with old friends to acquiring new ones, it’s all a part of the master plan that is…my life.
And for those of you saying, “Um, okay; what’s the big deal? We all go through that everyday.” That’s right; we do — but it does not come naturally for everyone. And I am one of those “does nots.”
How so, you ask?
Stay tuned till next Sunday! Mind of B reboot #28, will resume then. 🙂