As much as I would love to write a long, thought-provoking blog post right now, time constraints and the very reason I’m writing this is why I’m keeping this short. In fact, that first sentence may end up being the longest sentence in this whole post.
So, let’s get right to the chase.
Have you ever had someone tell you that you’re being way too hard on yourself?
And then, do you tell them, “Shhh! Don’t distract me while I spackle this house, jostle this baby, and prepare my speech for gender equality!”
And then they go, “….You don’t have a baby.”
And then you realize your arms are empty, and you’re all like, “Gah! I’ve been wasting my time doing two things when I should have been doing three! I’m so lazy!”
And then…they tell you you’re being too hard on yourself?
One-Women Show–The Curtain Rises
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the last four months of my life.
But let’s sum up, for time’s sake, just my frustration that prompted this post.
I just got home and switched from my full-time job to working on a project I’ve been contracted to complete. I had to leave work early because I volunteered to teach a writing course for a group of women who have been getting back on their feet and back in the workforce. My team at my FT job will be hosting an all-week meeting starting tomorrow, and with us being a tiny team, we must be sure to share responsibilities.
Pfft. Not if I have anything to say about it.
We created a WhatsApp to guide our first-time visiting global customers to our office in mid/downtown-ish area. I promised myself that I would send an introductory message to the group as soon as I had a free moment. You know–greet them, provide them directions, that sort of thing,
Yep. As soon as I had a free moment.
Any second now.
In the Spotlight
Suddenly, a ping on my main work phone shook me out of the project work I was focusing on, and I clicked the phone’s Home button to check my notifications.
It was from my manager. He had sent an introductory message to the group, greeting them and welcoming them to Atlanta.
Fudges! I cursed internally. I should have sent out the WhatsApp message earlier! I totally meant to. I had time on the train ride towards the Mary Hall Freedom House to send it. Why didn’t I do it then?
Due to unfortunate circumstances, many of this week’s meeting facilitations had defaulted to myself, and I wanted to prove to everyone that I could do my part and ensure everyone had a good time. I had spent so many years doubting myself in other areas–dating, being a good friend/family, doing meaningful work, leaving a legacy. If I couldn’t do any of these things, what good was I?
A One-Line Monologue
“You’re being too hard on yourself.”
This time, it’s not the generic friend speaking to me. It’s me, speaking aloud, as I try to remind myself that I’m not the only one on the team. My manager isn’t mad at me for not sending out the notification. He didn’t even know I was going to do it. In fact, no one is scolding me for dropping any balls. The only one getting stressed and angry…is me.
As I think about this for myself, I want to leave this for others who are also being a bit too hard on themselves. If you think you aren’t doing a good enough job, or caring enough, or doing enough, has anyone else said you’re not?
Well, then. Why are you still worrying about it?