We all know that familiar scenario.
It’s a normal day like any other. You’re wandering along, minding your business and doing what you know needs to be done.
You notice someone nearby. You’ve seen them around every now and then. Maybe you didn’t notice them too much, no more than anyone else. They’re kinda cute.
Every few days or so, you two pass each other casually or sit within the same vicinity. Occasionally, you catch each other’s eye, but you don’t hold the gaze. It’s whatevs.
Then, one afternoon, after a long day with your defenses down, you hear someone ask, “How was your day?” The question and the familiarity take you by surprise, and you turn to find them looking at you, watching you.
Perhaps they’re smiling. Perhaps they look a little nervous, even shy. You strike up an impromptu conversation. After a while, you part, the event a pleasant little light in an otherwise dark day.
A week passes, and the afternoon repeats itself. To your own surprise, you light up when you hear their sudden, familiar greeting: “How was your day?” You talk again, longer this time. They ask you about your job. You ask them if they like the outdoors. They apologize for bothering you but can’t help to ask another question. You suddenly notice the pretty color of their eyes, the infectiousness of their smile.
That now becomes your thing. If you see each other at that same time, you find yourself eagerly anticipating the “How was your day?” You’re smiling as you talk and think, “Why do they suddenly look so much hotter than before?”
You’ve got a crush.
It’d be one thing if you were still, oh, 10 years old. Back then, the rush of endorphins is new, it’s exciting, it’s a feeling that you don’t remember feeling before.
And then the symptoms!
The flush of your cheeks.
The inability to think straight.
The classic brain mantra of, “Don’t. Say. Anything. Dumb. For the LOVE. OF. GOD.”
But that’s the thing. You’re not 10 years old anymore.
You’re grown now. You’re grown and single.
And dagnabbit, you do not have the time or energy to let a prospective partner who at least might be a pleasant new friend, get away due to your fluttery behavior.
You might have already noticed that I just might have been in this predicament myself before.
Being shy by nature, I have often failed at opening my mouth and taking chances that I absolutely should have taken when they arose. I can (unfortunately) count the number of times I have let a potentially good catch slip through my fingers, and let’s face it — it is not a fun feeling. If you’re like me, the regret can linger in the back of your mind for years.
As I’ve aged, I’ve determined that I would “fool-proof” my crushing behavior by preparing a list of requirements and prohibitions to ensure that I don’t become a stuttering, desperate, annoying moron in the event I do develop an infatuation. If you’ve never done this before, please feel free to read my own, as a basis for your set of rules to keep from losing yourself to the wiles of a crush.
(Note: creating this list is best done before the hint of any feelings begin. The clearer your mind, the better!)
5 Ways to Stay Un-stupid During a Crush
1. Always look good — for yourself.
I am a strong advocate for dressing for success and looking sexy. That, and it can be fun and even stress relieving to spruce yourself up every once in a while. You’re an attractive person, so don’t be afraid to take care of yourself and be proud about it.
But by all means, do not do this for your crush. By “training” yourself to dress for you and feel proud of your appearance, you avoid the stress of only building up those fashion muscles when you see someone cute. Besides, when you feel good about how you look, you exude an aura of confidence and calm that in itself is massively attractive. This aura will only draw in the best kind and highest quality of people–and if that group includes your crush, so much the better.
2. Get enough sleep.
At first glance, this one may not make a lot of sense. Think about those times, though, when you were lacking in sleep–those historic study sessions in school and university; those red-eye business flights; those collaborative projects that had to be launched first thing in the morning.
Remember how you felt after losing those precious hours of sleep?
You are antisocial. Insecure. Annoyed at every little thing. You’re reacting slowly and thinking even more slowly. You’re stressed beyond belief.
And…well, you’re just plain too sleepy to focus on anything else. You most certainly aren’t showing your best face.
Sleep is a great thing. It’s scientifically proven to maximize your health, your mood, and your appearance.
And let’s be honest–we all feel better after getting our minimum 7 hours.
So, stick in that extra bit of beddy bye, and enjoy fabulous dream…guys.
(Heh — that rhymed.)
3. Take a mental snapshot of your un-crushing self.
Remember that silly joke you made that no one laughed at–but dang it, you didn’t care because it made you double over with tears streaming down your face?
What about when you danced the Can-Can in the middle of your office space? Somewhere music was playing, and you simply couldn’t deny the rhythm.
Love to twist off the top of your Oreos and save the cream side for last? I mean, who doesn’t??
Remember those things, and don’t stop doing them if the urge hits you. No one–not even your crush–is worth compromising what makes you so wonderful.
Some people (aka me) are notorious for completely diluting themselves when in front of someone they only want to impress. They become too afraid that all their unique levels of awesomeness are too weird and awkward to be considered alluring. But think about it–how did you feel when your crush absent-mindedly made a soft whooping noise every time he dodged someone while weaving through a crowd of people?
Exactly: unique and adorable.
4. Flirt with ’em.
You heard me.
Go ‘head on and flirt with them.
What did you do when you were young and you had a crush? If you were like me, you ran. You averted your eyes, you snapped at them, and you kept your answers short. Anything to avoid appearing as if you were interested in them at all.
Not only was this the stupidest way to behave (and just plain rude), but it probably only made things more obvious that I liked them.
I mean, heaven forbid anyone see what you are doing or saying to your crush. They’ll…they’ll…
Okay, you’re probably thinking. Maybe they won’t care, but your crush — your crush definitely will. And they will be absolutely…absolutely…
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that there is rarely a person in the world who doesn’t appreciate a little (healthy) attention and appreciation. Even if they’re not attracted to you, it’s human nature to feel pleased and even honored when finding out that someone likes you. That’s certainly how I’ve felt when told that someone found me attractive and was interested in possibly getting to know me. And for those of you who have been told the same, I’m sure you’ve felt it, too.
So, don’t ever be afraid of embarrassing yourself by flirting with them. If done pleasantly enough, you’ll at least get in some good general flirting practice. You might even feel more comfortable with yourself.
Big disclaimer on this point: If you are well aware that your crush is already in a relationship with someone else, I recommend skipping this method entirely. In fact, it may even be better to stop pursuing that crush altogether. Out of respect for them, their relationship, and yourself, there is no honor in trying to seduce someone who has already promised their love to another. What’s more, if they are giving any indication that they are trying to flirt with you anyway, is that really a trait you want in your crush as they simultaneously break their partner’s heart?
5. Let it go, let it go.
If or when your crush either stops talking to you or just happens to not be around anymore to pursue…that is fine.
Maybe it was because of something you say or did, or maybe it had absolutely nothing to do with you. Doesn’t matter (I mean, so long as what you did wasn’t cruel or harmful 😳 .)
Chasing after someone who is making no effort to meet your feelings halfway can cause you to expend a lot of energy–and it can make you extremely insecure and anxious, as well. You might start questioning everything they say when they are around, or worse–you’ll question even more when they’re not.
Pretty soon, you’re watching everything you say and do. You lose yourself to always trying to be the perfect picture in front of them. You want them to only see your best, and your mind whirs as it tries to calculate every moment where you can see them, meet them, talk to them, stand near them–
As a coworker reminded me once, there are plenty of fish in the proverbial sea. Pickins may be slim or harder to wade through, but there are certainly still pickins after this crush goes away. Not only that (this same coworker told me), but if something is meant to be, it will certainly be naturally. I don’t need to force any situation; moments will just happen.
I’ve seen it happen before, and I look forward to when it happens again. The Universe is really cool like that.
Even as I’m writing this out, I find myself relaxing. It’s so easy to get caught up in the physiological responses our bodies unleash when we see a pair of sexy eyes or a nice smile or a pair of soft-looking…kissable…lips…
Where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah! The bottom line: a crush is a crush, and there’s no need to panic over having one. Enjoy the sensations knowing you can still have them, and let things flow naturally.
And even if the crush is unattainable, there’s often no harm in just appreciating and admiring them as the wonderful, beautiful, kind, quality human being they are.
Like celebrity crushes!
Hello, Mr. Undertaker. ❤️🖤💜